


Werewolves, Vampires, and Mermaids (Oh My!) in Space

by uofmdragon



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, F/M, Fairies, Kitsune, M/M, Mermaids, Vampires, Were-Creatures, Werewolves, Zombies, satyrs, seraphs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 06:18:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3317285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uofmdragon/pseuds/uofmdragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Survey, Habitability Investigation, Exploration, and Long-range Discovery Operation's ranks are filled with supernatural creatures.  A peace exists even among long feuding species as they try to find worlds to deal with the overpopulation of other planets.  This is the story about how some of the crew, despite differences in species, have managed to find romance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Werewolves, Vampires, and Mermaids (Oh My!) in Space

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ereshai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ereshai/gifts).



> Title is a take on two things: the saying _lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my_ and also references the Muppet's _Pigs in Space_.
> 
> Beta'd by stoneburn.
> 
> Gifted to ereshai who prompted, C/C & Sam/Maria, supernatural AU and space AU. The original reply has been incorporated into the first part of this story.

"You can’t breathe, I don’t see why you can’t go out there," Clint commented. "I mean you are technically undead."

Maria glared at him. “Someone want to explain to Barton, exactly what solar radiation is?”

"Phil, go FWOOM!" Sam stated with a hand gesture, red wings fluttering behind him.

Clint looked over at the vampire and bared a fang at him. ”And that’s a bad thing?”

"Play nice, Clint," Maria stated, looking at her crew and considering the predicament. The engines were busted and the only way to repair them was to go outside. She rather regretted, not having any pure elementals on the ship now. They would have been able to go out there without any adverse side effects. She was starting to understand why some scout ships did take them along, despite the fact that they tended to be temperamental. One of them had to be less of headache than having a werewolf that enjoyed picking a fight the resident vampire. Old feuds be damned, they were both working on the S.H.I.E.L.D. Op now.

"Sam, what’s the oxygen level?" Maria asked.

"We got three days with us up and about," Sam stated.

"Less Clint’s due for his time of the month," Phil stated from the darkened corner. 

Clint growled at him. Maria glared at him, because really, Phil, you had to antagonize the werewolf. No one would believe that these two had been working together for a year now. They still fought with the same vehemence that they had at first met.

Still, Phil wasn't wrong, Maria realized after doing her own headcount. Iowa was due to have a full moon and since Clint had been bitten on Iowa, well, he would transform. Weres, it turned out, were forever tuned into lunar cycle of the planet they had become weres. The only way to avoid it was through a spelled or cursed sleep.

"How long if we go into cursed sleep?" Maria asked.

"A lot longer," Sam stated, looking down at the console and no doubt running the equations.

Maria nodded. “We’re due to rendezvous with the Helicarrier in a week. Fury will come looking for us then. So that’s less than three weeks.”

"Except one of us has to be awake. We’re off-course and drifting further," Clint reminded her. He looked at Sam. "Do we have the air for that?"

Sam shook his head.

"As you reminded us, one of us doesn’t need the air," Maria said with a smile.

Clint’s eyes widened, before growling again. “You expect me trust him.”

"Yes."

"Can’t you do it? You could be in the tank." 

Maria shook her head. ”Tank’s damaged.” She’d checked that long ago and knew she was going to have to spend some time in the tank when they got board on the helicarrier. Mermaids weren’t supposed to be out of water for long, and legs were a damn pain. She was grateful that Fury had agreed to give her the wheelchair for when she needed to be out of water, it saved her from having to walk all the time.

"How do I know he’s not going to feast on us!" Clint pointed out.

"I wouldn’t want to drink your foul blood, Barton. I respect Maria and Sam, well…" Phil smiled. "I respect Maria."

"Pays to be the boss’ boytoy," Sam replied with a grin.

"You don’t get a choice about this, Barton." Maria said. "You trust Phil or we all die and I’ll space you before I let you kill us all."

"Fine," Clint growled, baring a full assortment of the fangs.

*

"Sam," Maria said, getting just enough water in the pod where she'd spend her cursed sleep. "Why don’t you do the true love one for me?"

There was a crash from where Sam was preparing the ingredients for the spells. Maria glanced over just in time to see that he was actually hovering slightly. She smiled, his wings were so delicate, she always forgot that they could in fact lift Sam off the ground.

”What?”

"The spell that can only be broken by true love’s kiss?"

"You want me to do that?"

Maria nodded, moving to slide into the tank. She took most of her weight on her arms and then allowed her body to shift to its natural fins. “You’re not just my boy toy.”

Sam smiled. “I mean, sure if you want, I can do that.”

"Good," Maria said. The door opened with Clint slinking over to his tank to settle. Phil arrived moments later and Maria gave him a few instructions, before Sam came around with the spell packets. Maria drank hers down and settled into the pod.

*

Maria’s eyes batted open and she awoke not to Sam’s face, but Fury’s. ”What the hell?!”

Fury looked unimpressed, but then he was one of the few humans on board. Nothing a supernatural creature threw at him seemed to faze him, but that was probably why he was in charge of the SHIELD Op.

"I’m not… Where’s Sam?!"

"Currently, freaking out," Fury stated, twisting to look away. 

Maria pushed herself up and found Sam, looking worried over Clint’s pod. ”Sam?”

Sam looked over at her. ”Damn it! I fucked it up, I fucked it up so bad.”

"What did you do?" Maria asked.

"I may have, accidentally, given Clint, the spell you asked for," Sam said. His wings drooped.

Maria froze. ”The true love spell?”

Sam nodded.

Maria racked her mind, trying to think of potential true loves for Clint. ”Is Natasha around? Or Bobbi? Jessica?”

Fury shook his head. ”Those three won’t work. He loves them, but it’s not…”

"Shit!" Maria cursed as the door opened.

Phil regarded them. He looked a little worse for wear, but then spending so much time all by himself would probably do that. His eyes eventually landed on Barton’s sleeping form. ”Are we not waking, Barton?”

"Our spells got swapped," Maria stated.

Phil arched an eyebrow. “Meaning?”

"We need true love’s kiss to wake Barton." Sam admitted.

"I can’t think of anyone that would…" Maria started.

"Oh for.." Phil moved, quickly. He was suddenly at Sam’s side, who took flight away from Phil. Maria watched as Phil looked down at Clint with an almost tender expression, before gently brushing his lips against Clint’s. 

Maria’s eyes widened at the sight and she glanced at Sam, who was looking at her. No, Phil had hidden this from them all. Maria glanced back to see Clint waking up.

"You saw nothing," Phil hissed at them, baring his fangs. "This didn’t happen." Then with another blur of movement, he was gone. Maria stared at the door where Phil had gone.

"Anyone think to make me some coffee?" Clint groused, sitting up. 

Maria looked back at him, still surprised by everything.

Clint met their stares. ”What happened?”

*

Phil slowed to a normal speed upon reaching the hangar bay doors and entering the halls of the Helicarrier. He relaxed feeling the pull of the few vampires that were apart of the Survey, Habitability Investigation, Exploration, and Long-range Discovery Operation.

Vampires weren't considered especially friendly to most of the sentient beings in the universe. In fact there was only one coven that had allied themselves with the Council of Planets and if Phil hadn't broken away for his former coven, there would be none.

Most of Phil's coven had joined the SHIELD Op, uniquely suited to exploring space and finding new planets to settle on. There were some still on Newun that were trying to help other vampires break away from other covens. In fact, Phil wouldn't be surprised to find that they'd fully separated themselves from the SHIELD coven. It's not like he could blame Hand for breaking away, he had left them to explore the outer regions of space. Distance did make it hard to maintain the connection after all. That was why Phil paused and reached out to those that were still apart of the SHIELD coven.

Skye was busily working, fixing a computer error that was resulting in problems for the satyrs aboard the ship. It was probably caused by one of their own, but the Satyrs would blame someone else. Leo was checking out one of the quinjets that had been on a long tour. Jemma was busy with samples that another team had brought back. Melinda, Melinda radiated an equal amount of patience and irritation. One that shifted to more irritation as she felt Phil's touch. She was not someone to be kept waiting and Phil had unfortunately done just that. 

Phil briefly wondered who Melinda's team had been made up of, because she seemed far too pleased with herself. She probably hadn't had to deal with an antagonistic, fearless, werewolf that just happened to be particularly suited to Phil's preferred physical appearances.

*

Clint ambled down the ramp of Hill's exploration quinjet. He paused at the bottom of the ramp, taking a deep breath. The air of the Helicarrier was recycled, but the Helicarrier was headed home to Newun for a full report and to get a major shift change. That meant any smells that were in the air were likely to be accurate. He'd be able to get a good idea for the members of his pack that were on the ship.

The smell of other weres Clint recognized first, because he was more in tune with them. First was Kate's. They'd gone on a short mission with the witch, Wanda and her two sons just before Clint had let with Hill's team. Then came Bobbi's a were-raven. He had thought they might be able to make work, but it hadn't. The were-bear, Steve, was also mixed into the scent. Clint was slightly surprised by that; last he heard, Steve had gone hunting for whoever had killed his partner from years back. Natasha had gone with him, and he could catch her scent with smell of a fire attatched her. There was also Jess' scent, just a hint of sea was attached to the Banshees that had descended from Old Earth.

Clint smiled and took off at a jog. Bobbi and Kate would catch his scent. Natasha was likely to just know that he had returned. He wasn't sure how Jess would know, but she'd probably be around the area with the other weres.

Given a choice, the different weres would spend time with just their were subtype, but with very few weres on the ship and another were was better than another creature altogether. While Tasha and Jess weren't weres, their relationship with Clint had made them welcome visitors. There were a few others that had the special consideration, but Tasha and Jess were the ones who Clint looked forward to seeing the most. He really did need to spend time with his pack, especially after spending his last transformation in a cursed sleep.

*

"So are we going to talk about what just happened?" Sam asked, after Clint was far, far away from the ship. He glanced down at Maria, who had moved back to her chair. She could walk, but the Grimm had it right for mermaids, it felt like walking on glass with every step for her.

"I'll talk to Phil," Nick stated, stepping around him.

"Excellent," Maria said. "I am so ready for that headache to not be there anymore."

Sam smiled down at her. "Well, the Helicarrier's water should feel great for you."

"I know, but I think first, we can debrief?" Maria asked, her attention direction to Nick.

Nick nodded. "If you're ready for it."

"I am," Maria said. "The sooner it's done, the sooner I'm off duty. The sooner I can banish waking up to your face instead of Sam's."

Nick rolled his eye. "Fish and Birds were never supposed to fall love."

"Good thing, I'm a fairy then," Sam replied, smiling. He was starting to get comfortable around Fury. Fury was probably the scariest human out there. Sam privately thought he was a descendent of hunters, but he never quite had the guts to voice that suspicion.

Fury huffed a laugh and together the three of the headed to a briefing room where Fury could get his full report from Maria and Sam. 

*

Phil's eyes flew open with the sudden awareness that he was no longer alone.

"It definitely happened," Nick's voice stated.

It took Phil a moment, before his eyes landed on Nick. There were times that Phil would swore that Nick was something other than human. Ghosts hadn't been able to sneak up on Phil as easily as Nick was. There was only one other creature that could do that and the seraph did not bother to pretend to be human around them.

"What do you want?" Phil asked, not even bothering to bare his fangs at him. Nick was never impressed by power displays, probably why he was in charge of this whole operation.

"I don't quite understand why you're reacting this. The feeling has to be mutual."

"Does it?" Phil asked, arching an eyebrow. "Have you ever examined the true love kiss curses. It never says anything about it being reciprocated."

"So would any of his ex's have worked?"

"They love him, but it's not the romantic love necessary for the spell."

"No, I guess, it's not." Nick fell silent. "You want me to talk to him."

"No. I know what I've gotten into."

"Care to explain that."

"I've spent the last year conducting planetary surveys with Clint. I know exactly what kind of person he is. I know that more than likely, my feelings are unrequited and will stay unrequited."

"Because Barton believes in the old vampire and werewolf feud?"

"Nick, the feud between vampires and werewolves is millennia old. It's ancient! And it's not just the feud. Clint has personal reasons for disliking vampires and I understand why."

"You're not them though."

"I know that, but... telling Clint that will do no good. I have to show him. I have to prove myself to him, which is what I'm trying to do."

Nick hummed softly, before nodding. "Well, I'm expecting you in two hours to debrief."

"I'll be there, sir."

Nick nodded, getting up and slipping out of the room.

*

"So, how was the trip with Sam and Maria?" Steve asked, rolling to bask under a heat lamp that had been set up for some of the were-lizards. Steve might not have been a werelizard, but he certainly sunned like one. He supposed that had something to do with a cursed sleep, being in the cold. The lamps were off to one side of the large gym that the weres had mostly claimed as their own. They needed a lot of exercise

"Fine."

"Were they all lovey?"

Clint nodded, watching as some of the other weres had started playing a game of ball. Kate and Bobbi were both involved. Bobbi was mostly a distraction, taking flight to call out plays to her team, and battling the were-owl.

"Hey," Steve said, attracting Clint's attention.

"Hmm?"

"You seem off."

"I... I don't know. We had to do cursed sleep and..." Clint watched as Kate grabbed the ball, ducking around a were-tiger and taking a leap over another. She was about to be tackled when Wade the zombie that hung around the weres tripped 'em up. Clint smiled.

"And?"

"And...I feel like something went wrong. I woke up. Sam, Maria, and Fury all looked stunned, and..." Clint turned to look at Steve. "I smelled Coulson, but I didn't see him."

"So?"

"Even after all this time, after having to work with him. It's still really hard to get his scent unless he's wearing something. He wasn't wearing anything."

Steve's eyes narrowed slightly. "So what?"

"It was strong. He had to have been close to me, but why the hell would he be?"

"Fury trusts the vampires."

Clint nodded. "I know. If I was hurt, I'd know what it was, but this... Something isn't right."

"I'll keep my ears open."

"Good." Clint nodded, glancing back at the game, the zombie was trying to reattach his arm. He was clearly out, which meant the teams were off now. Clint grinned as he saw the ball pop free. He shifted, taking a leap from a seated position to catch it in his mouth and join in the game.

*

Phil was grateful for that the gym had several higher walkways to allow for people on other levels to pass over it, instead of having to go around it. The weres' sport was pure chaos. He wasn't quite sure how Wilson had figured out the rules for it, but the zombie seemed happy to watch and participate to even out the teams. Clint was in now, mostly transformed, dirty blond and absolutely gorgeous as he moved.

"He's amazing, isn't he?" the soft voice said, right into Phil's ear.

Phil jerked and found Natasha standing next to him. She looked harmless, completely, but all of Phil's senses were telling him to run, to get away. He resisted as he knew that Natasha wouldn't harm him or anyone aboard this ship unless she had a reason.

She was silent, watching Phil with knowing eyes. Cataloguing his every reaction and calculating the meaning behind it.

Phil waited for her to say something, but she said nothing, simply allowed her true self to start to show. The air shimmered behind her as wings of pure flame were allowed to affect the world. "I don't..."

"Do not lie to me."

A part of Phil wanted to cower, to hide, faced with what the humans of old had considered hands of their God. Well, there was a reason, for Seraphs were in fact as powerful as they were rare.

"He is," Phil admitted.

Natasha smiled and while the power display that Natasha had manifested was not turned off, it no longer felt threatening or overbearing.

Phil still looked away, eyes drifting to watch Clint. "I respect him, you know that right. I know he dislikes my kind, especially me. He's made that very clear."

"You know his reasons?"

"Bobbi and Jess cornered me, before me left. They said they expected Clint to come back without any vampire tricks being played on his head. They said something about that having already happened enough."

"Loki."

Phil turned to look at Natasha again. "Loki? Does... Thor know?"

"The kitsune is aware of what happened, but not of any detail. It was before our association with SHIELD."

"I would never dream of doing that to him or anyone else, unless they were being stubborn and I needed to do it to get them out of danger."

"You've been in that situation?"

"I was two seconds away from doing that with Clint. He wasn't listening and... something must have changed, a smell, probably. He allowed me to actually help him. I was already in love with him. I would have done it, even though he'd never forgive me. Him alive and hating me were far better than alternative."

"Thank you for ensuring that you brought him back alive. He is my dearest friend."

"You're welcome." He hesitated. Everyone knew that Clint and Natasha had struck an unlikely friendship. "Do I have any chance?"

"Were you around before he and Bobbi got together?"

"No, why?"

Natasha hummed, before turning and walking away.

"Natasha?"

"I don't want to spoil the surprise."

Phil watched her go, before shaking his head.

*

Maria enjoyed the underwater obstacle course. Granted it wasn't anything like she encountered on actual planets, but it kept her in shape, especially when she raced one of her fellow water creatures. They had a few days, before Carol Danvers would arrive. Phoenixes were able to transport whole ships much faster, but they had to have already been to places they were transporting them to. The Helicarrier was the only ship out this far and Carol would have to come the old fashion way before transporting them back.

Maria caught sight of the bald head, edging past her. She snapped her fin, propelling her forward as she refocused on the race. There was no way, she was going to let Jasper beat her out. She could see the finish line and knew Jasper was close. She'd let herself get distracted.

She wasn't distracted when she crossed the finish line or when she propelled herself upward, doing a neat flip, and slipping back into the water, before remerging. The sound of Sam's quiet laughter and clapping hands greeted her. She made her way over to where he waited.

"You get distracted, boss?" Sam asked when he saw her.

"Thinking about home."

"I'm looking forward to it." Sam smiled, leaning down and out. 

Maria surged forward to kiss him. Another time, she might grab his shirt and haul him into the water, but not today. Not when there were others around. "What brings you here?"

"Avoiding Clint, he's got questions about the end of trip."

"Does he realize that his cursed…"

Sam shook his head. "No, but he knows something happened and that Nick, you, and I know what it is. He figures it has something to do with Coulson though."

Maria hummed softly. "Let those two work it out. They're Nick's problem now."

Sam laughed.

"Hey Maria!" Jasper called. "You in for another round?"

Maria glanced back at him, before looking at Sam.

"Go kick his scaley ass."

Maria laughed, before diving underwater. She heard Jasper's curses as he followed after her. She passed a camera and blew a kiss at it, knowing Sam would be watching her.

*

"I forgot something on board ship MH-199999," Clint lied to Tony, who was on guard duty for the whole hangar bay. His hooved feet were placed on the console as he regarded Clint.

"What'd you forget?" Tony asked.

"Look the ship is right there, will you just give me access?"

"Why should I?"

"C'mon Tony, we're friends."

Tony snorted, running a hand through his hair avoiding the two horns sticking out of his head.

"It's embarrassing, man. I need to get it though."

"What is it?"

"Kate gave me a good luck charm and..."

"You left it on the ship?"

Clint nodded.

"Better go get it before she figures it out." 

"Thanks Tony, I owe you a drink."

"Yeah, you do," Tony agreed, already opening up the door. Clint slipped into the hangar bay and then on to the ship. He headed back towards where they had been kept in the cursed sleep. His case to one side and he leaned in took a sniff. His scent was there, but there was another scent that wasn't Maria's fishy smell or Sam's dewdrops. 

It was Phil, he'd been nearby. Clint kept sniffing, searching around. There was a chair near his pod and judging from the scent that lingered, Phil had sat in it often. 

Clint reared backwards as he stared at that. Why the hell had Coulson sat next to him and watched over him? That was the only thing that made sense. That was what the scents pointed to.

Sinking to the floor, Clint ran a hand through his hair, exactly what that meant.

*

Phil paused as he made his way back to his room. There was something in the hallway with him. He waited a moment, and heard the slight click of claws on the metal flooring.

Frowning, Phil picked up the pace, wondering if he was hearing things. It was unlikely that he was hearing Clint’s claws as missing a transformation tended to make weres lose their intellect and revert to a more instinctual habits. Clint was probably ensconced with his packmates. They would be making sure he was safe and didn't cause any trouble. 

Phil arrived at his room without shaking the feeling of being followed. He slipped into his room, letting the door swing shut as he went to remove his uniform. He was ready for some sleep. 

A loud noise came from his bed and Phil turned to find a large dirty blonde wolf settling onto the bed. Phil blinked slowly, because he knew that wolf, had chased after it. "Clint?"

The wolf regarded him, but said nothing.

Phil breathed out and went to go open the door. He'd go down to find one of the weres or Natasha.

Clint growled from his position.

"I'm not afraid of you," Phil stated, but he was unsurprised when Clint was suddenly between him and the door. "Are you going to keep me prisoner?"

Phil sighed, taking a step away from the bed. Clint's growl picked up. He took a step toward the bed and the growling stopped. 

"We are talking about this tomorrow." Phil finished changing and climbed into bed. He had just started to settle when there was a sudden weight as Clint curled into his side. Phil yawned. "Definitely talking about this."

*

Clint pressed into the familiar scent. He dreamt about this smell, it had haunted him for a long time. He wanted to be close to it, but hadn't dared. It was the distinct scent of Phil.

_Phil!_ Clint's eyes popped open and he rolled, falling off the narrow bed as he stared at the vampire. 

A cool blue eye opened and then the other. "Are you freaking out?"

"Kind of..." Clint admitted. "What the hell?"

"My question exactly. You followed me, broke into my room, and then refused to let me leave. Care to explain?"

Clint swallowed. "I..."

"See," Phil said, sitting up. "It would be understandable to me if I was attacked. You don't like vampires, so having you suddenly cuddle up to me is a bit surprising."

Clint looked away, before looking at him."Well, you might actually not be so bad..."

"I'm not?"

"You made a pretty good partner."

Phil smiled at that. "Thank you. I enjoyed working with you as well."

"Were you, uh, watching over me during the cursed sleep?" Clint asked.

Phil blushed, he actually blushed. "Why do you think I was doing that?"

"Your scent was on the chair near my pod."

Phil hummed. "Then I think you already have your answer to that."

"But why?"

Phil regarded him a long moment, before suddenly moving quickly to appear in Clint's space. "Because I wanted to be sure that you were safe and I missed your irritating ass."

"You missed me?"

"Yes, I'm quite fond of you."

"But you're a...."

"I broke from my sire without bloodshed. Do you really think I care for a silly feud between vampire and werewolves when we've both agreed to the same cause?"

"Well, when you put it like that."

Phil smiled at him. Blue eyes dancing with delight.

"Fond of me, huh?"

"Immensely."

Clint licked his lips, eyes widening as he watched as Phil glanced down and further down to Clint's hardening cock, because he hadn't bothered with clothes before his transformation.

"The question is though..." Phil said, softly, looking back up to meet Clint's eyes. "How exactly do you feel about me?"

"I…" Clint started.

Phil hummed, before suddenly pulling away. "Figure it out, Clint."

"What…?"

"Go, think, discuss with your pack, and come back to me with your answer or don't." Phil shrugged.

"You're just going to let me go?"

"Of course, you've been abused by my kind once before. I want you to be sure of your own thoughts and emotions."

Clint nodded, rolling to his feet and stretching. 

Phil watched. "You're a horrible tease, Barton."

"People will talk if I leave here naked, you know?"

"Let them, because if I have my way, we'll give them reason to talk."

Clint nodded, before slipping out of the room. He froze as he stepped out as Skye, the youngest vampires, was right there. Her eyes widened as she took him in and Clint caught the scent of her heat. Oh, she was a young one, if she gave away that much.

"Skye," Clint nodded.

"Clint," Skye murmured, blushing furiously as she realized she'd been caught.

Clint smiled to himself and headed back, shivering as he stepped through a cool patch of air.

*

Phil leaned back in his chair taking a sip of the donated blood. It was delicious and the conversation was going well. Thor was telling the tale of his ship and it's exploration and the way he talked always made it sound like an epic poem. Jane was leaning against him, adding her own commentary to Thor's tale, and correcting anything he'd exaggerated. She was smiling and so was Thor. 

They were a delightful couple and they made up part of a truly excellent team.

"Are Sif and the others coming back with us?"

"Nay, they are preparing an outpost," Thor said, shaking his head.

"Really?"

"Orders came from above, there are plenty of habitable planets and there is going to have to be a refuel station there anyway." Jane stated. "They're building it on planet, but I know they're taking Carol by it, so she can get the planet in mind."

"They are building a space station for it," Thor added, twitching a tail.

Jane snorted. "They're building several space stations in hopes we find places like these. Overpopulation is a problem on several planets."

"A very serious problem," Thor agreed. "There was one planet your Melinda seemed quite taken with. A bit out of the way, abundant wildlife, I believe she liked the taste of some of the meat."

"She did like the blood of some of the larger animals," Jane agreed.

Phil blinked. "I didn't know Melinda had gone with you."

"Fandral was injured when we left. Melinda took his place last minute."

"She mentioned finding a place for our coven."

"It would make an excellent place for that, but you'd need more than just Melinda and you to seal it for your coven. It would make an excellent home for the weres as well."

Phil nodded as he considered it. "Hand and Hartley have done their time with SHIELD Ops. It'd be better if the vampires leaving their old covens could get further away than Newun."

"Distance makes its easier not to answer to the call?" Jane asked.

"Exactly."

"Speaking of weres," Thor said, head tilting upward. Phil caught the sparks moving from tail tip to tail tip. 

All nine of Thor's tails were out and fully visible by the time Clint slammed his hands on the table. "We need to talk."

Phil waved his hand, quieting Jane and Thor. "About?"

"You know what!"

"Clint…" Phil started, but Clint had moved, hauling him forward and pressing his lips to Phil in a searing kiss. Oh…

Clint pulled away, licking his own lips. "You taste like blood."

"Well, it is my preferred drink."

Clint huffed and glared at him.

"Should we go someplace else to talk?"

Clint nodded, blushing when he noticed all the eyes that were on him. Phil slammed the rest of his drink, before standing. He glanced around the room, noting the familiar faces. 

"Sorry, I have something to discuss with Clint." Phil stated, nodding to Jane and Thor.

"It is most unfair, Phil," Thor said. "No one will believe me."

"That's why, I'm here honey." Jane said, patting his chest.

Phil huffed a laugh and led them out of the room and down the hallway. Clint following along quietly. 

"Should we talk and walk?" Phil asked. "You're here, much faster, than I expected you to be."

"I went straight to Tasha."

Phil nodded. "And?"

"She said to quit being stupid, I already know what I want."

"And you want?" Phil asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Well, to use your words, it would I'm quite fond of you as well."

Phil smiled. "So, you antagonizing me was what? Showing that you liked me?"

"According to Bobbi, I did the same thing to her."

"So that's what she meant."

"Huh?" Clint asked.

"I talked to Tasha, before you visit…"

"Yeah." Clint reached up, scratching his head. "She said that's another sign. Never went and cuddled any of them when I was a full wolf."

"I did wonder," Phil said, pausing at the break in the corridor. One way led to the coven, the other to the were pack. 

Clint didn't hesitate, turning towards the coven. "Figure, the pack should have a few days to get used to the idea, before we make 'em smell us."

"Are we going to be working up a sweat?"

Clint paused, turning to press Phil up against the wall, letting Phil feel his hard on. "That was my plan or did you have something else in mind?"

"That plan works for me," Phil said, capturing Clint's lips again and pulling him close. Clint's hands settled on Phil's waist. It was a mistake Phil realized as Clint removed Phil's shirt, because now they had to break apart or else Nick was going to be furious.

*

Clint flopped down next to Steve on the heating rocks. His ass was fucking sore and there were plenty of marks that were slowly healing on his chest. Steve glanced over at him and shook his head. "You had a good time, then?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Ugh, Barton you smell," Kate groaned, sitting next to Clint's head.

"Get used to it, because you're going to be smelling Phil a lot," Clint replied.

"It's not Phil that's a problem," Bobbi said.

"It's your post-sex smell," Jess finished. "It's so bad I can smell it."

Clint glanced over at them and found equal measures of amusement and disgust.

"Hit the showers, Barton," Bobbi ordered.

"Who's the pack leader here anyway?" Clint asked.

"I am," Steve stated. "And the ladies are right, go wash the smell of sex off."

Clint huffed, pushing himself to his feet. "You're all no fun."

*

"So you and Barton," Nick greeted as Phil took a seat next to him for their usual breakfast with Maria and Sam. Both of them looked equally amused and interested.

"Yeah, apparently Barton antagonizes people to show his interest in them." Phil replied.

"So maybe it was already reciprocated?" Nick asked.

Phil considered it. "No, I think Barton is starting to realize it."

"Does this mean less headaches for me, if we go out?" Maria asked.

"Possibly. He should stop enjoying the thought of me dying."

"Yeah, but the way I hear it," Sam said. "Is that they didn't even make it back to Phil's room, before they got it on."

Phil, Nick, and Maria turned to look at Sam.

Maria's eyebrow arched. "And where did you hear that?"

Sam glanced at all of them. "Um…"

"Wilson."

"So, Steve's dead buddy, isn't all the way dead and Natasha asked him to keep an eye on Clint. Apparently, he got an eyeful."

Fury rubbed at his temple. "Steve's dead buddy isn't all the way dead? You mean he's a…"

"Ghost." Maria finished.

Sam nodded.

"And you didn't bother to tell us this because?"

"I thought it was Steve and Natasha's business. I'm not angering a Seraph. They're fuckin' powerful. They have wings of flames and not two, but four. I'm just a fairy, do you see my dainty wings." Wilson gestured toward his own wings. "So, I'm not going to go purposefully telling people their business. Nope, nooo, you can have that conversation up with those two."

"Maria…" Nick started.

"I'm off the clock."

Nick cursed about having lazy and secretive underlings, before grabbing his coffee and heading out.

Phil studied Sam. "You are so much trouble."

Sam looked at Phil in confusion.

"You just spilled everything." Maria patted his knee.

Sam paled at the realization. "Probably, I better go find Steve." He hurried off from the table, leaving Maria and Phil alone.

Maria smiled at him. "Are you happy?"

Phil took a deep breath, but refrained from an answering as Tony suddenly put an arm around Phil, drawing him. His wine glass was set on the table.

"Phil, Coulson, friend," Tony started. "I have a very important question for you. The universe needs to know."

"What?"

"Did you know that wolves have a bone in their penis…"

Phil froze, looking over at Maria for help, because this was not going to end well. She was of no help, because he could tell she was already barely containing her laughter.

"...Now I've always wondered about weres, because humans do not. Do they have a penis bone when they look human? Do they have it in full form? At what stage in their transformation does the penis bone grow in?"

**Author's Note:**

> A reader requested a list of everyone:
> 
> Maria Hill - Mermaid  
> Sam Wilson - Fairy  
> Clint Barton - werewolf  
> Phil Coulson - vampire  
> Nick Fury - human  
> Natasha Romanov - Seraph  
> Steve Rogers - were-bear  
> Tony Stark - Satyr  
> Thor Odinson - Kitsune  
> Jessica Drew - banshee  
> Bobbi Morse - were-raven  
> Kate Bishop - werewolf  
> Wade Wilson - zombie  
> Carol Danvers - phoenix  
> Bucky Barnes - Ghost  
> Melinda May, Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz, and Skye, Victoria Hand, Isabelle Hartley - vampires  
> Jane Foster - not specified  
> Jasper Sitwell - unspecified aquatic creature


End file.
